in completing my last blog entry I realized something about myself with the help of my Auntie Ruby as we were talking over life situations and discussing how life had brought me to stay with her for a while to get enough money together to get back to Utah I realized that even though someone offers assistance and wants to help I have found that I still felt guilty just for basically existing this burden I have carried around for heaven knows how long and they are like tacs digging into my spirit and I keep them their instead of removing them. so when it rained last night I gave those tacs of guilt inadequacy and unworthiness to the rain to wash away and buried them in the ground to bury them forever never to return:

I choose...
to live by choice, not by chance;
to make changes, not excuses;
to be motivated, not manipulated;
to be useful, not used;
to excel, not compete.
I choose self-esteem, not self pity.
I choose to listen to my inner voice,
not the random opinion of others.

so I was looking at my blog and realized I haven't posted anything in about 2 years!! can you say SLACKER! and the sad thing is is I wanted to tell everyone how awesome these last few years have been it just seemed so inconsequential after so long of an absence. nevertheless I will give you a recap. I have four new baby's in the family all cousins. I have two years of schooling done just hit 60 percent finished towards my major of Paralegal studies. no boyfriend :( but I think that has more o do with me not getting out very often than it does with me(at least that is what I keep telling myself).

My Dear Bumpa with that infectious smile. left us on January 25, 2011 saddest thing to ever happen to me in my life. somehow though I feel him with me and I am eternally grateful for that everyday.

needless to say the years have had some pretty big milestones for me and I have learned so much about myself and about myself as a student. I am grateful for those things that make me me and teach me what I want to become.